6 & 7 months...Time flies when you're learning fun things...

The boys have had a busy last 2 months.  We go to RMH for their NICU follow-up tomorrow, so I will update this post with their weights, but I would guess they are about 15 lbs.

***This just in Parker weighs 14lbs 3oz and Jesse weighs 15lbs 13oz...chunky monkey indeed...***

They started eating some solid foods at the end of October.  So far their favorite is sweet-potatoes.  I have made about half of their baby food.  It somehow seems more worth the time when you have 2.  They just eat their baby food in the evening before their last bottle.  So, it's more like an appetizer than a meal.  They eat about 6-8 oz per bottle these days.

They are still sleeping at night really well.  And they have started to nap better.  They usually take at least one long nap either in the morning or the afternoon, but very rarely both.  Parker does wake up early in the morning sometimes, but he seems to back the our "normal" schedule this week.  Jesse is our sleepy boy and we almost always have to wake him up in the morning.  Which is awesome.  He even wakes up happy when you get him up...even better.

The boys got to have the first expedition to "Deer Camp" where Todd showed them various antlers and what size were the one to shoot.

The Curran family had a shower for the boys and they received so many nice things.  They even got some ornaments and stocking with their names on them.

Parker & Jesse were baptized at our church Faith UMC on November 25th.  It was so nice to have so many of our family, friends and church family there.  Pastor John has been their for us throughout all our struggles and he also baptized Eleanna.  I'm sure that was a special day for him as well.

So far for the holidays they went to see Santa they did not cry.  I think they told him something about toys...

We also had super cute pictures taken of them by a high-school friend of mine Tamara Roach. They turned out so good.

Parker aka "cheeser" is all smiles these days and is a mover and shaker.  Sometimes, I just don't know how he does it, but hell move 3 feet from where you left him in like 2 seconds... He rolls both ways very well and loves his feet.   He's always kicking them, grabbing them, sticking them straight up in the air. He doesn't crawl yet, but he has his ways to get where he wants to go. He loves his toys, play-mat and bouncy seat.

Jesse is much more laid back.  He too is moving around a bit.  He'll roll over when he wants to.  He love to play on the play-mat.  He especially likes these little toys that you pull on and the shake when you let go.  He still is the one that laughs the most.  His giggle is contagious.  Of course every-time I try to get it on video he stops... 

Both boys are to a point where they like to know where the other on is.  Especially, when we are in a crowd.

I'll be back later to update what the NICU clinic has to say...

5 MONTHS

Parker & Jesse are 5 months old...holy cow.

Parker weighs about 12lbs. and is 23" long.  He can roll over from tummy to back.  Right now Parker is in LOVE with his burp rag.  He hugs it grabs it, and plays with it like it is the most awesome toy ever.  He also it smiling all the time.  He loves having his diaper changed.  He still sleeps all night.  Bedtime is now closer to 8pm or earlier if we can get them all in jammies, fed and down.  Parker is not much of napper still.  His reflux seems to be getting better, but he still spits up quite a bit.  Poor kid we call him names like, Slimey, super chucker, chuckeroni, etc...  Of course the way we say it makes smile...

Jesse weighs about 13.5lbs and is 23" long.  He can roll over from tummy to back.  Jesse loves to laugh.  He has this super cute belly laugh that I'm totally addicted to.  He loves having his diaper changed and that when he laughs the most.  Jesse sleeps all night.  The other night when I put him to be he was cooing and sighing as if to say..."thank you so much for putting me to bed, I love my beddy"...  Jesse will nap somedays pretty well others not so much.  Jesse eats like a chow hound and we call him names like Chunky monkey, super chunk, super cheeks... He looks so much like his Daddy he get's called mini me a lot too.

We went to the NICU reunion and saw our "roomie" Tinley.  She is so cute with her chubby cheeks.  It was amazing to see how may families were blessed with the RMH NICU's care.

That same day we also had the walk to remember and were able to take time to remember Eleanna.  We were able to share the day with Mike & Teresa, and think of Ayla too.  It was hard looking at the boys and knowing they would not be here if Eleanna was.  I know that God has it all figured out.  I feel so blessed to have the boys. I also feel so blessed to know Mike & Teresa.  All things are possible because of what God had planned for us.  Still being the human that I am it's hard to trust in him all the time.  But I'm learning.

is anyone else disturbed by this?

This weekend I spent some time with my niece and my cousins' children.  Peppa* Pig was on.  I looked over at Todd and said "this is just not right".

If you have never seen the before these disturbing little piggies talk with British accents which only adds to the funny factor...  In particular I find "Daddy" pig to be the most disturbing...

The Days are long but the months go by fast...

The boys will be 4 months old on the 10th.

Holy cow!  Somedays it seems like yesterday other times it seems like years...

I looked through my calendar from last year.  We are just about to the point where we were starting the cycle resulted in Parker and Jesse last year.  Their embryo transfer was on Halloween...crazy...

Parker if I had to guess is knocking on the door of 10lbs. He is wearing 0-3 month clothes.  We just put away the newborn stuff last week for him. He still is having issues with refulx and we had to put him on Axid.  We also put a tsp of rice cereal in his bottles.  Sometime it seems to help other times he just seems to yak everything up and cry...

Parker has been making lots more "cute baby noises".  He also smiles more too.  His umbilical hernia is getting much smaller.  I am hoping that it is gone before his 1st birthday.  Parker is such a snuggler he loves to have his blankie righ up by his face.  He has also found his thumb from time to time, which mostly results in him having slimey hands... Parker sleeps through the night which is awesome.  We start getting ready for bed about 8pm.  Usually, he's in bed asleep till 5am.  Sometimes we even have to wake him up to get ready to go to Kristina's.

Jesse if I had to guess is somewhere between 10 and 11lbs. He's been wearing 0-3 month clothes for a couple of weeks now. He's such a happy boy.  He hardly ever spits up.  He seems to sometimes need help in the #2 department and then all is right with his world.

Jesse is the favorite of the other kids at the babysitters...because he's so happy and less likely to spit up.  He has been smiling for a while and now will giggle when you tickle his belly.  Aww...so cute...  He fights sleep something fierce.  Watch out when he's over tired...  It seems that nothing will make him happy then...  Jesse is also sleeping though the night on Parker's same schedule.  He's also pretty much given up the pacifier...most of the time he just spits it out.

We just started the process of totally weaning them off the caffeine and monitors.  Hopefully we will be off all of those by October...  I feel so lucky that they are good sleepers at night.  It definitely helps with out sanity.  They both also love to be outside...when it's been not too hot I love taking them out in the stroller.  We even went to a parade a couple of weeks ago.

The older I get the better Heaven seems to me...

Death, Heaven, Forever...they are a part of everyone's life.

We think about it sometimes daily, sometimes hourly and sometimes not at all because this "life" we are living here on earth is too busy.

This past week my dear SIL Megan had to say good bye to her Gramms.  I really only watched this duo in action from afar, but it is very evident that there is and was a great love between her family and her Gramms.  None the less this all got me to thinking about heaven.

I can't help but think how much heaven has changed for me over the years.  From a simple explanation of where the kitten went to when it died to now a place that I look forward to calling my home.  Each time another amazing person who touched my life leaves this earth to enter heavens gates it makes me even more glad to know that heaven will be there for me too.

Of course all this talk about heaven does not mean that I'm ready "kick the bucket".  I'm pretty sure God's a whole lot more planned for me.  None the less, since Eleanna died I have felt even more at ease with death, because well, if Heaven is a good enough place to send my precious Eleanna, then it must be good enough for me too.

I suppose that there are some at the end of their life that would feel the same way I'm starting to.  I can only imagine that as my list of those I can't wait to reunite with in Heaven grown the fonder I will become of it.  Of course there are moments where I wish for just a few moments...maybe in a dream I could hold my sweet girl, sit next to my Grandpa's and meet my Father in Law.  Till then there will be times where I think of heaven as a wonderful place that I will get to some day.  Just like all those places on this earth that I would love to see as well.

On my journey to heaven Megan's Gramms's service reminded me that it's important to Pray, be joyful, do it anyway and love... It always amazes me how God uses his people to give his grace to this world.  Thank you Betty for being a part of God's Grace (Agape) in my life.

Happy Birthday in Heaven...

July 16, Eleanna spent her first birthday in heaven.

We had planned to go to the cemetery with the boys and release balloons.  The weather has been dreadfully hot, so we didn't go.  I found myself sad most of the day, but was glad to remember her and Ayla. 

I spoke with Ayla's Mom on Tuesday we both were feeling down, but I'm so blessed to have Teresa and Mike on this journey with us.  

 Each day I spend missing her.  I wonder what she would look like.  Would she look like Parker or Jesse.  Would she have had red hair too?  Would she be getting teeth, crawling...  There's part of me that can't wait till I get to see her in heaven.  I hope she knows that even if we didn't do those things for her on her birthday; she is ever in our hearts and always in my thoughts.  

July 18th was the boys due date.  

It's hard to believe that they should just be getting here.  

They both are wearing newborn clothes.  Jesse seems to be filling them out quickly, but I don't think that he's ready for the next size yet.  

They both are eating a lot.  Parker eats between 80-120ml about every 3-4 hours.  Jesse eats 100-200ml every 4-5 hours and has been sleeping from about midnight-2am till 9am.  

Parker's refulx bothers him quite a  bit and he spits up more than Jesse.  

They both hold their heads us really well.  They also are starting to enjoy some time awake.  They like the bouncy seat.  I've also been able to take them on a couple of stroller rides.  In all my years of infertility that was one thing that I was looking forward to the most.  Pushing them in the stroller.    The first time I pushed them down the street my eyes welled up with big crocodile tears.  

Well it seems Jesse wants to eat again...

There's no place like home...

We are home.  After 58 days in the Rockford Memorial NICU Jesse & Parker are home.  

7/6/12

What a difference a week makes.  Not long after my last post the boys quickly caught on to eating. And within a few days it was clear that they would be coming home soon.  Parker was the first to have his "light turn on" one night I left and he finished his 60ml bottle and when we came back in the morning the nurses informed us he finished every other bottle that night.  The proceeded to take his feeding tube out and give him a trial run of eating.  Of course the rest of the day he did not eat as well but maintained weight.  The next day he lost weigh, but finally the third day ( also the day Jesse started his trial) he gain weight.  Dr. Headly then said they could both go home.  

Jesse now is the big eater eating sometimes 120+ml per feeding.  He'll go 4+ hours between feedings.  Very nice in the night.  Parker will eat anywhere from 40-70ml every 2-4 hours.  He sure lets you know when he wants to eat... or wants anything else for that matter.  Parker's reflux is worse than Jesse's but both tend to spit up...normal preemie stuff I'm told...Today I'm on my third shirt. 

It's been interesting finding out what works for us as far as a routine.  Since they are on ad-lib feedings it makes it a little difficult.  But, things get a bit easier each day.  

We've had a few visitors since they have come home...

 Great Grandpa Earl

 Great Grandma Parkinson

 Uncle Frank & Aunt Bess

 Grandma Marsh

So frustrated...

Today has been a long day...

The boys were circumcised, had an EKG, and are not progressing as quickly as I would like with eating from a bottle.

Good news is the EKG was fine they just have some normal immaturity issues that will have to be followed up on.  And even though they seem uncomfortable today I'm sure they will recover ok from their circumcision.    


What has me so frustrated is that time seems to just slipping away so quickly and I only have a few precious weeks left before I have to go back to work.  I'm feeling like I am totally getting cheated out of my maternity leave that I worked so hard for.  I feel like my babies will go from being cared for by nurses to being cared for by a babysitter. 

I'm sure all Moms that work feel this way and just wish they could stay home with them.  No matter how I try to make the budget work staying home is not an option.  So, I just have to suck it up an move forward.  I keep praying that every day will be the day I walk in there and they "got it" and we can go home.  But, each day it seems like forever away.  

Don't get me wrong when I start to feel sorry for myself I remember that there are some who will never take their babies home from the NICU.  Or there are those who have been there so much longer than we will be there.

On a happier note the boys had some special people come an hold them this past weekend.

Uncle Steve & Aunt Megan

Aunt Stacy

They are also growing a lot.  They both weigh over 6 1/2lbs.

Parker Practicing his TOUCHDOWN...

Jesse and Great Grandpa Earl on his 90th birthday 6/26/12.

Some of the best things about having babies after IVF...

Last nigh I had a girls night with my bff and realized some great things about having your babies via. IVF and c-section.  

1.  When Parker and Jesse ask how they were "made".  I can just tell them truthfully we went to the Dr. and they took some of Daddy's cells and some of Mommy's cells and put them together in Mommy's tummy...

2. When they ask how they got of Mommy's tummy I can show them my scar and say I went to the Dr.'s and they took them out of there.   

3.  After all the shots, ultrasounds, physical pain, emotional stress, excitement, worries, and hopes when I hold them I know that it was all worth it.  It was all I ever wanted and so much more.  

Father's Day

T

Today was Todd's first official Father's day.  Last year we were just expecting Eleanna.  To say that the last year has had a lot of highs and lows is an understatement.

We spent today taking turns cuddling, feeding and changing the boys diapers.  Father's day has been a melancholy day for the last few years and it felt great to enjoy today.

To those that are still in the midst of infertility I can only imagine that you are not wanting to read another Mom's gushing post about Father's day.  Which honestly may even be harder than Mother's Day.    I know for me I prayed and prayed to give Todd Father's day.  Maybe even more than I wanted Mother's Day for me.  For those who are still waiting to celebrate.  You are already a parent, your heart already loves someone...it's just you haven't met yet.  Weather it's by a medical miracle, a surprise, an adoption, or even just a special child to finds their way into your life with out calling you Mommy or Daddy you are a parent.  

I'm so blessed to have a great man to raise my babies with he loves these little guys and our little angel in heaven so much.  It makes my heart expand every time I see him with them.

Parker

Jesse

Both boys have graduated to bassinets this week.  This means that they are able to keep warm on their own. (which means we have completed 2 of the 3 things they need to do to go home: 1. Breath with out assistance 2. Keep warm in their clothes 3. Gain weight while eating all feeds from a bottle or breast feeding.) They have been working on eating from bottles and breast feeding.  It's a slow process, but they are making progress.  Parker was able to drink 32ml and Jesse drank 30ml at their max so far.  Their total feeding is about 50ml so they are taking a good bit of it before they tucker out.  They have also been gaining tons of wight they are knocking on the door of 6lbs today at 5lbs 14oz...    

They still fit in a few few of their preemie clothes, but for the most part they are wearing new born clothes now.  They are also making more cute faces all the time.  They smerk and smile.  They also  usually open their eyes when I say hello in the morning to them.  I love it.

I have kind of gotten used to my daily/weekly routine, which helps makes the time that they are their easier.  I joke with the nurses that I should be on the pay roll.  Each morning I get up around 6 to pump. I shower, eat breakfast and head to RMH to see the boys.  If I have my stuff ready to go I get there about 9am.  They are eating every 3 hours and their feedings are at 9am, 12pm, 3pm...so, now that they are bottle feeding, or working on breast feeding I try to be there for 3-4 feedings each day.  I also change their diapers, take their temps, snuggle/hold them & give them baths.  It's amazing how fast the time goes.  Sometimes it seek out for an hour or so to do some shopping or have lunch not from the cafeteria.

One Month Old.

Both Boys continue to eat and grow.

We are working with them on learning to breast feed and take a bottle.  They are making progress, but it's a slow process.  They tire out pretty easy and they are really only awake enough to try about every other feeding time.  I'm assured that there will be a day soon that they will "just get it".  Of course this makes me want to spend more time with them at the NICU making sure that every time they look ready to try to eat that they get a chance to work on it.

They have been growing like weeds.  They both weighed 5lbs 2oz yesterday.  Parker was just a tiny bit heavier by 5 grams.  So he was the big brother.  They have been neck and neck for the last week or so.  Each day they have a competition to see who's the big brother.

They are pretty much grown out of the preemie clothes.  They are getting better at keeping warm and once they catch on to eating they will be out of the isoletes, and in bassinets.

I been pumping everyday since they were born about 6-10 times a day.  I know that it's good for them.  I  make plenty of milk to go around, but honestly I really do not like doing it.  There are times where it's painful, and I'd just rather sleep.  That's where it's harder to have them not with me all the time.  It is easier to pump while I'm there with them and the worst time is pumping in the early morning when all I want to do is sleep.

Don't get me wrong I'm so grateful to have my boys.  I love looking at their adorable faces.  Sometimes it's hard for me to believe that they are mine.  It's true what they say though.  The pains of infertility do not go away after they are here.  I still feel mad that it took so long and it's been so difficult.  I joke that I have used every bit of medical technology to bring my babies home.  From IVF, to cerclage, to the NICU my children are not just a gift from God, but also from modern medicine.  I'm so thankful to the men and women dedicated to saving these precious babies for us.

Todd will be celebrating his first father's day this weekend.  I wish out little guys were home for this...

Hopefully I can get a picture of them together again.  I had planned to on Monday.

Level II...one step closer...

The boys have been doing really well for the last few days.  They were moved to the NICU annex.  This area only has 4 other babies.  It is much more calm and quiet.  The boy seem to be able to rest better there without all the ringing and dinging from the all the monitors that are constantly.

Today Parker weighs 3lbs 12oz which is us 25grams; Jesse is 4lbs 2.5oz which is actually down just a bit.  They are now classified as Level II NICU patients which means that they are stable and they are closer to coming home.  This next week the plan is to start nursing them to get them started with the process of getting off of the feeding tubes.  They are still also in incubators to help keep them warm since they still have some fattening up to do.

We were also able to hold them close together. And both Grandma's were able to hold both of them.

This picture of Parker was just to cute not to add to the post today.

I will try and update later this week after we get started with their feedings.  Thanks so much for your thoughts and prayers.  With any luck they will be home in the next few weeks.

More Good News...

Jesse is off the c-pap and had his pic (IV) line removed today.  His cute little face looks so different now.  

Parker is doing really well too.  Grandma made him a new hat.  It fits really well.  He did gain enough weight to wear clothes, but his nurses were busy today with another little baby.  The little baby seems to be having a bad weekend so, it's Ok.  Hopefully, this week will be better.

Leaving the NICU was really hard tonight.  It seems that the better they do the harder it is to leave them.   Even though I was so happy to have Jesse off the c-pap it's just one more reason they don't need to be there.  Tonight I had big tears running down my cheeks as we left.  

I'm hoping it gets a bit better when I will be able drive after this week.  But, then again my emotions are all over the place these days.  Before I was so glad they were here and Ok that it was easier not to focus on them not being at home.  Now, all I can think about is them being home.  

I know that soon this time will seem like just a blink in time.  By the time they are home I will be too busy and sleep deprived to recall these days.  

One week old...

Jesse continues to do well.  Both if them just need to keep eating more and growing.  I am hoping to ask more on Friday about what he needs to do to get the c-pap off.  While I was holding Jesse I was pretty sure he was filling his diaper...sure enough he was a mess I was able to change him.  Of course in a few months from now changing a messy diaper will not be so note worthy.  Now that he's in clothes he's doing well keeping warm, so we don't have to hold him skin to skin.  I'm hoping to dress him up on Friday.

Parker is doing really well too.  He lost quite a bit of weight in the beginning. So, he's got some ground to gain before he can wear clothes too.  He continues to do well with his feedings.  When we left yesterday they had planned to feed him 26ml each feeding by the end of the day.  Hopefully he tolerates it well and his able to increase again Friday.  Parker must be doing really well because he has had nurses in training the last 2 days.  It's great to know that he's not so critical that a "rookie" can be in charge of his care.

The NICU still continues to be a challenging place for us to be.  It's getting better for me, but Todd is still stressed there.  I think he just worries about all the things to do at home.  It's much easier for me to focus on the babies.  I really hate leaving...  The better they do each day makes me more anxious to get them home.

Everyone is always asking when they will get home the truth is no one knows... I'm hoping that they will only need to be in NICU for a month.  I think they can do it.  But, it's possible it could be as long as 10weeks.

In other fun news Todd has been hired as the assistant head coach of our local HS football program.  He will be leading up the Fresh-Soph football team.  So, as if he wasn't so much before..."he's kind of a big deal" I am so proud of him.  He enjoys coaching so much and really is a great mentor of our community's youth.

NICU day 6

Jesse is now big enough to wear clothes.  He actually fills up this Preemie sleeper pretty well.  It's so cute to see him in the clothes...  Jesse is up to eating 16ml of milk every 2 hours.  He's still on the c-pap, but he has had very few apnea episodes (maybe one a day), so hopefully he'll be breathing completely on his own soon.  What he has helping him now is very minimal.  There is no oxygen hooked up to it.  It just pushes the room air in his lungs once a minute or so for him.

Parker is doing really well too.  He has been breathing completely on his own for the last 4 days.  Today he had his umbilical IV line removed.  This means that he is just connected to a monitor & feeding tube.  Hopefully the will start trying to feed him with a bottle soon.  He's up to 18ml of milk every 2 hours.  His back to gaining weight after a couple of days of loosing weight.  I hope that he will be wearing clothes soon too.

I have to admit the NICU is a bit stressful.  It is a very distracting place.  There is a constant beeping, binging, lights flashing and tiny babies crying...  I have to admit it's easier when I am able to hold one of them...My friends and family have been great about helping me get to Rockford to visit them.

I plan to take some more pictures tomorrow.

Introducing Jesse & Parker

 Parker James Todd Marsh

5/10/12 - 3:31pm

3lbs 8oz; 16.25"

30weeks 1day

Jesse David "JD" Earl Marsh

5/10/12 - 3:31pm

3lbs 9oz; 16.25"

30w 1day

The long story...

Tuesday afternoon about 3:30pm I was at work and things were fine...  The boys had been super active. They were kicking up a storm and even banging on my middle desk drawer.  I got up to run some mail through the postage machine and I felt wet...ugh...I thought I peed my self...  I went to the bathroom and got myself cleaned up.  I went back to my desk...after about an hour I got up to pee again...another gush...at this point I was pretty sure it was not pee.  I called it a day early and went home...Todd was not home from work yet...I called him he was on the way.  While I waited for him to get home I changed packed my bag for the long haul.  I called the Maternal Fetal medicine office and we went strait in...it takes about 30-45 minutes to get to the hospital from our house...it seemed like forever.

When we got to the hospital they again tried to put me in the room where Eleanna was born...I asked for a different room.  They got me settled in and hooked the babies up to the heart rate monitors for the first of MANY times that night.  The boys HR was strong the whole time and of course I could feel them having a party in there...crazy kids...  They started an IV and checked to make sure that it was actually my water had broke.  The put me on antibiotics, magnesium sulfate, and gave me steroid shot to get the boys lungs ready...  Magnesium sulfate is awful stuff is made my nauseous and gave me a migraine headache.  They settled me in for the night.  They let me have dinner.  The planned to do a growth ultrasound and take my cerclage out the next day.  The night was really long...the boys were being crazy and we had to re-set the heart rate monitors all the time...  I maybe got 2-3 hours sleep at a time.

The next morning we went in for the ultrasound.  I made a funny comment to the ultrasound tech..."It's all fun and games till someone ruptures their membrane...hehe"  The boys looked strong and "big" they estimated that Parker was 3lb 13oz and Jesse was 3lbs 8oz.  (pretty close to their actual weights).  Later they tried to take my cerclage out.  They were only able to remove part of it and there was damage to my cervix...I was also dilated to 4cm...and Jesse was transverse...that combined resulted in scheduling a c-section for 10:30am.  At first they were worried that I may dilate more over night so they did not want to let me eat or drink in case they needed to do the c-section earlier.  Finally at 9pm they let me have a turkey sandwich...thank goodness...  The night was uneventful we just kept having to adjust the HR monitor...I was able to sleep for a while.

The next morning I woke up excited to meet the boys at 10:30am...little did I know an emergency would delay the OR all day and cause me to have a pretty awful day.  Nothing to drink all day.  It was awful I have never wanted a sip a water so bad...the Mag was giving me a headache still and I had really bad heartburn...  Thank goodness Todd's cousin came to our rescue about 2pm and visited while we waited to hear when we would do the c-section... Finally at 3pm Dr. Briggs came in and it was go time...

Within 10 minutes they had me in the OR.  They put in the spinal and very quickly they get me prepped. By the time they brought Todd in they had already started cutting.  Then just a quickly they had Jesse out and seconds later Parker was out too.  Both were born the same minute.  I could hear both of them screaming...I was crying.  They cleaned them both up and let me kiss them before the whisked them away to the NICU...the then closed me up.  I overheard them mentioning parts of my anatomy like appendix, small intestine, ovaries etc...it was a little disturbing...  Then the proceeded to fix up my cervix and moved me to recovery.  

Once in recovery they gave me the apgar scores.  Jesse was 7 and Parker was 9.  Both really good for 30week babies.  I got the shakes from the spinal.  That's one of the worst part of the spinal.  I also started feeling itchy...they gave me meds for that...I still needed meds for that the next day.  I also let them give me all the pain meds available to me.  After an awful day of waiting I turned in my trooper card in the OR...lol...after 3 hours in recovery they were able to take me to the NICU and we were able to see the boys.  They were doing really well.  We easily were able to choose names for them.  We wanted to see them before we named them.  Parker looked more like me and my family and Jesse looks more like Todd and his family.  Both have my hair color red/blonde.  I spent the night getting more drugs...it felt good to be able to sleep on my back.  I was also able to have some Jello and chicken broth...it was so delicious after no food in over 24 hours...

The next morning I had to pass gas before I could eat so I had broth for breakfast early and finally I was able to have oatmeal.  My SIL and Brother came in to see the boys.  They were the first to see them.  My friend Deanna came and Todd's Mom visited that day too.  Saturday, Todd's sister, Grandpa, nephew and Mom came and brought some beautiful flowers...Our friend's the Wiegman's and the Zintak's came to see them too.  The Zintak's are Ayla's Mom and Dad.  Ayla was born an angel the same day as Eleanna. Finally, after being on vacation Mom and Dad made it in to see them.  My Aunt Nancy and Uncle Bill came too. 

 Finally, after all the guest left we went back to the NICU and I was able to hold Parker.  That by far has been one of the best moments of my life.  I couldn't help but cry.  I love that little guy so much.  In that moment I was so happy.  I can't wait till I can hold him anytime I want.  

On the way to the NICU that time I noticed that there was a familiar sign on the door of another patient.  It was a leaf with a tear drop on it.  The same picture was on my door the night after I lost Eleanna.  On the way back to our room.  I stopped in front of the door and Todd and I said quick prayer for that Mother.  Tears rolled down my cheeks.  I know all to well how being in that room feels too.  

Also, in the NICU it's difficult as well.  There are over 40 other babies there some you can tell are so small and fragile.  There is a little guy Gabriel across the way.  My heart just aches for his weary looking parents.  I just want to hug them.  Instead, I just say prayers for them and offer a smile when I can.  

Right now my job is to pump for them every 3 hours or so.  It's going pretty well so far.  I am up to pumping 2-4 oz per session.  I can't drive for 2 weeks so I'm having to call in favors to get rides in to see the boys since Todd is going back to work.  

The boys are both doing really well both had to be under the light Jaundice, but are now doing well that level.  Park is breathing room air on his own.  Jesse just has a c-pap to help him a bit.  He does have some apnea & brady episoes.  But, as of today it's been almost been 24 hours since he's had one.  I hope that he will be able to go to room air too.  Jesse is eating 5ml of milk every 2 hours after not eating at all yesterday.  Parker is up to 8ml every 2 hours and may be able to go up to 10ml if he starts to digest better today.  Today Todd held Jesse and I was able to change Parker's diaper.  

I plan to try and update each day.  We'll see if I can keep up.

30 weeks...not what I expected...

So we are 30 weeks today.

Yesterday baby a's water broke so I am scheduled for a c-section @ 10:30am 5/10/12.

All in all this a great week to be at and hopefully they will be home sooner than later.

I will update when I know more.

29 Weeks

How big are they: Baby Center says...

29 weeks: Baby is the size of a butternut squash

Your baby is as big as a butternut squash, weightwise -- about 2 1/2 pounds. (Length: a tad over 15 inches, head to heel.)

My guess is that they weigh about a little over 3lbs each.  They were 2lbs 10oz 2 weeks ago. I would guss they could be longer as well since they have been measuring very "tall" all along... One things for certain...they are Todd's boys...hehe...

Maternity Clothes: There are definitely some shirts that I'm on my "last time"... I may have to get even a few more bigger t-shirts before this is all over...

Weight Gain: About 25#

Belly: I been having more and more braxton hicks.  Fortunately, they go away when I lay down for bed at night.  Most times they are brought on by waiting too long to pee, sitting wrong, or standing too long.  Usually waling around of laying down makes them stop.  Not fun, but I suppose at this point it's the name of the game. 

Stretch Marks: I fear that the area around my belly button will never be the same... :)

Sleep: It's been a little better.  I have high blood sugar so the put me on some pills at night that seems to have cut out at least 1 if not 2 trips to the bathroom at night...awesome...

Best Moment of the Week: My Sister in Law, good friend Joloene, and Mom hosted a baby shower for the boys.  It was so nice.  There were many friends and family there.  For someone who has suffered a loss and infertility.  Having a baby shower is a big deal.  I am amazed that I held it together all day; of course when I got home and started putting all the awesome gifts away I had my moment.  This is really happening... And of course there were thoughts of...I wish I was able to have this for Eleanna too...  I have these conflicting feelings all the time... All of this is 2 parts happy one part sad... When I think about it...this is totally "normal", but none the less how it is.  









Here are a few pictures from the shower.  Pardon my expression in the second picture...I swear I'm world worst picture taker...or maybe I look that goofy all the time...lol...


Movement: They definitely making the presence known.  Last night baby A gave Todd a really big kick...it was funny...

Food Cravings: Nothing really this week.  I do really like ice in my drinks right now...

Gender: Two little buddy boys...

What I Miss: I'm still missing Eleanna. She'll always be my only little girl... 

What I'm Looking Forward to: Putting the finishing touches on their room and spending some time making my thank you cards.

Weekly Wisdom: Now that you are at 29 weeks it's ok to take it easy just a little bit more...

Milestones: We are at 29 weeks each week at this point means one step closer to holing these babies and less or no time in the NICU...  So amazing...

Emotions: I'm so blessed to have so many family and friends who love our boys.  I can't wait to share them even more with all of them.  

28 weeks!

How big are they: Baby Center says...

28 weeks: Baby is the size of a Chinese cabbage

Your baby is equal in weight to a Chinese cabbage -- about 2 1/4 pounds. (Length: almost 15 inches, from head to heel.)

My guess is that they weigh about 3 lbs. each...They were at 2lbs 10oz last week.

Maternity Clothes: I'm just glad they still fit.  

Weight Gain: About 25#

Belly: I can't feel the skin on my belly anymore.  It has a pins and needles sensation to it...

Stretch Marks: I fear that the area around my belly button will never be the same... :)

Sleep: It's a major accomplishment if I can sleep more than 2 hours in a row...

Best Moment of the Week: This past weekend my Husband went on his walk to Emmaus.  He has found faith in a way that has never been shown to him before.  I'm so glad that I had a part in giving him this gift.  I can't wait to see what God has in store for him now. 


For more information of walk to Emmaus feel free to ask me questions or visit their website.


http://emmaus.upperroom.org/


Also Monday we went to Walmart for a few things and found lots of funny novelty onesies for the babies... it was a lot of fun...

Movement: They both have their "moments" yesterday and today they must be turned toward my "insides" because that were I feel them kicking.

Food Cravings: Anything cold and icy.  I have had some issues with seasonal allergies the last few days, so my throat is scratchy...

Gender: Two little buddy boys...

What I Miss: I'm still missing Eleanna. She'll always be my only little girl...

What I'm Looking Forward to: My baby shower is Sunday and Saturday we are going with Todd's Mom to get the car seats.

Weekly Wisdom: There's no shame in admitting that the "grin and bear it method" is not working for your allergies. 

Milestones: We are at 28 weeks which means a greater than 90% survival rate.   

Emotions: I'm so excited that we are in the home stretch.  I have to admit I'm getting very uncomfortable.  Everything takes a ton of effort.  It scares me to think that I have more than a month left to go.  

27 weeks

How big are they: Baby Center says...

27 weeks: Baby is the size of a head of cauliflower
Your baby is as hefty as a head of cauliflower, weighing in at almost 2 pounds. (Length: about 14 1/2 inches.)

Each baby weighs 2lbs 10oz.  

Belly:I feel more huge every week. Those boys are definitely growing in there.

Sleep: Still getting up quite a few times at night to go to the bathroom.  

Best Moment of the Week: They were both really active on the ultrasound.  Baby B is still the trouble maker...hehe...

Movement: They keep moving more and more. You can see them move from the outside from time to time.

Gender: Two little buddy boys...


What I Miss: I'm still missing Eleanna. She'll always be my only little girl...


What I'm Looking Forward to: I'm looking forward to our baby shower. 


Weekly Wisdom: It's important to rest...

Gender: Two little buddy boys...

Milestone: we've made it to 27 weeks!


at 22 weeks: 0-10% survival rateat 23 weeks: 10-35% survival rate
at 24 weeks: 40-70% survival rate
at 25 weeks: 50-80% survival rate
at 26 weeks: 80-90% survival rate
at 27 weeks: greater than 90% survival rate

Maternity Clothes: I had to order some new shirts because several were way too short.  I also purchased some leggings...so comfortable...

Weight Gain: Total 25#.

Stretch Marks: The area around my belly button is looks kind of bruised.  I also have very little feeling in the skin on my belly...

Food Cravings: Roasted chicken.

Emotions: It's been 9 months now since Eleanna passed away.  Somethings get easier and others more sad with each passing day.  

Also I love their room.  I love going in there.  I read to them sometimes and sometimes I just go in a touch all their clothes, toys, cribs.  It's sort of like I'm making sure it's real. At this point I'm so anxious to have them be here I can hardly stand the wait.  

Nine Months...

Dear Eleanna-

Nine month's ago you went to heaven.  At times it seems like yesterday.  And other times it seem so long ago.  I thank you so much for being my beautiful Daughter.  You ended infertility us for that I'm so glad.  

Today imagine you there in heaven with your friend Ayla (who shares your birthday & angel day).  I imagine you smiling and playing together.  I imagine that you are both so happy together.  Even though I'm sure that you miss us here.  

Everyday your little brothers keep growing strong; I know that you are there watching over all of us.  

Although I know you are in a perfect place I still wonder things like...what would your Easter dress looked like,  and what would you be doing now.  

Sometimes I feel that I traded you for your brothers.  I know that's not true.  God's plans don't work that way. 

We love  you so much sweet girl.  Thank you for watching over your Brothers like I asked you to that day in November.  

All my love,

Mommy 

26 Weeks

How big are they: Baby Center says...

26 weeks: Baby is the size of an English hothouse cucumber

Your baby is as tall as an English hothouse cucumber and weighs about 1 2/3 pounds. (Length: 14 inches, head to heel.)

If I had to guess...I'd say they are over 2 pounds this week. They weighed 1 1/2 pounds each at 23 weeks.

Maternity Clothes: They are a must these days...

Weight Gain: So far I have gained about 22#. This is right on target.

Belly:I feel more huge every week. Those boy are definitely growing in there.

Stretch Marks: Haven't really noticed anything major, although the area around my belly button feels very stretched.

Sleep: Is a bit more difficult between sinus headaches related to allergies and having to go to the bathroom all the time 4 hours of sleep seems awesome. I suppose that this is preparing me for what's to come. :)

Best Moment of the Week: We received our first baby shower gift in the mail.

Movement: They keep moving more and more. You can see them move from the outside from time to time.

Food Cravings: nothing really this week.

Gender: Two little buddy boys...

What I Miss: I'm still missing Eleanna. She'll always be my only little girl...

What I'm Looking Forward to: I'm looking forward to our baby shower.

Weekly Wisdom: It's important to rest...

Milestones: We've hit 26 weeks...awesome! By next week our survival rate will be over 90%.

Up until 21 weeks: 0% survival rate

at 22 weeks: 0-10% survival rate

at 23 weeks: 10-35% survival rate

at 24 weeks: 40-70% survival rate

at 25 weeks: 50-80% survival rate

at 26 weeks: 80-90% survival rate

at 27 weeks: greater than 90% survival rate

Emotions: I have had some melancholy moments about Eleanna this week. It's still kind of hard thinking about what I would have dressed her in for Easter. I certainly know that my life is moving forward in an awesome way, and if she were here it would not be possible, but I still feel cheated. I suppose that's normal for someone who has lost a child, and that feeling of being cheated will not change. Of course that does not mean that I don't feel incredibly blessed. I know that God loves all of us and has some great moments planned for the next year.