The one year book of hope...

So I have been working my way though the book.

I just started week 3.

This book sure does make you think a lot about things. And the bigger picture. It's hard when this world seems to be coming down on us. It's sometimes difficult to contemplate a God who could give you a life with no suffering but, instead allows the suffering... All for the purpose of bringing you closer. That seems a bit hard to grasp for me. How close do I need to be...when will I get there...how much heartache must I endure before this phase of my life is over.

I'm sure that as I read further in the book these questions will be better answered. But, until then I don't want to make it sound like this book is not helping me, because it is...in so many ways.

Merry Christmas!

New Year...a new plan?

So I bit the bullet...January 6th Todd and I will be heading up to Madison for a consultation at the Generations Clinic...

Let's hope that the weather cooperates...

As a first impression it seems like a good choice. We'll see how I feel after the appointment.

The most Wonderful time of the year...

Here were are in the midst of another Holiday season...

There are parties for hosting, cookies to be baked, a tree to be trimmed and gifts to be wrapped...

I have mentioned before that my feel about the Holidays are let's say muted...

This week has been quite a challenge with several "announcements"...it's so difficult to hear...just when you think that you are learning to accept you path...that darn doubt creeps in... with the thoughts of...

Will it ever be us...

Why are we not worthy of such a blessing...

and if this is part of God's Plan then why must it hurt so much... honestly at times I feel a physical aching in my chest...

I have faith that God does have great plans for me and some of them may possibly be being carried out right now...but, it's so hard to believe when you are hurting so much...

Especially when you see others not have to struggle in this way...why are they chosen for what seems like an easier path?

I hate to become clinical and without hope...I would suppose that we should be grateful that we have any hope at all...but, then sometimes it seem a bit a curse too... Like if is just knew there was not any chance...then we could move on...move on to what...I'm not sure...

I found this book and I plan to read it this coming year...

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1414301332/ref=oss_T15_product

We'll see if it brings me anymore HOPE...

Time for an update...

I was told by my blog reader that it is time to update...

I suppose that I was overdue but, I really havn't had much to report.

Life seems to just be chugging along. We have had lots of day trips and fun times this Summer despite the lack of Summer weather. Our pool was very neglected for the second summer. One can only hope that next year will bring a few more hot sunny days.

As time keeps passing it seems more and more evident that we may remain childless. I guess this is all part of the moving on phase. We haven't been doing anything "extra" as far as trying. Though, some think that "we should quit trying" and it will happen. I don't know how much more not trying we could get without going on the pill or something...and what would be use of that?

Time passing is the worst reminder of it all. All too soon babies that were born since we started "trying" will be starting pre-school. It's those moments that hurt the most. But, what more can I do there's no use in being melancholy... What ever will be will be right?

Welcome back...

I suppose that it's time that I write here again...

It's funny how much time I spend looking at other blogs....and wishing they would post more when I am the worst at it...

Today I am writing about welcoming back my friends...

It seems strange to say that...it's not like they have gone...moved or anything...

Over the last 3-4 years many of my friends have been somewhat absent in my life...for many reasons...both mine and theirs...

My closest friend had a beautiful baby girl in April of '07...and during that time between then and now we had lost touch...mostly because of her demands of motherhood and my unhappiness...

Now she and other friends who have toddlers instead of babies have rekindled our friendships...I see more shopping trips, lunches and just hanging out times in our futures...which is very awesome! It sure makes the wait for our own children more pleasant... I am almost certain that we will be back at the point where friends are distant again but...I am trying to enjoy these moments that I've missed so much.

On a baking note I made these oatmeal cookies this weekend and they were AWESOME...I used butterscotch chips instead of raisins. I can't wait to tray them with raisins or craisins/ white choc. chips!

Head over to SK and mix up your self some yummy oatmeal cookies...

http://smittenkitchen.com/2009/02/thick-chewy-oatmeal-raisin-cookies/

Getting to know all about me...and you...

Jamie @ http://www.stickyfeet2.com/ (one of my favorite blogs) is participating in this interview game so, I tough it would be fun!

1. If you could be any dessert, what would you choose to be and why?

That is kind of tough...should I be something good...that everyone loves or something icky...so I won't get eaten?

I'll go with something good:

I would have to say Chocolate Chip Cheese cake. I absolutely LOVE cheese cakes (except pumpkin) and I also adore chocolate. I would also like to be "rich"...so, there you have it...

2. How is your life different than you thought it would be 10 years ago? Would you change anything?

Ten years ago I started my first year of college...I was planning on becoming a vet at that time. I ended up not going to vet school. I was dating a HS boyfriend and was thinking about maybe getting engaged to him (glad that didn't happen). I did figure that I would be married by now though. But, I did figure that I would be married to a Man 10 years older than me. I also was not panning on living in the town where I grew up. I figured that I would be more adventurous than that and maybe live in Colorado or something.

I guess what I would change today would be my schooling. I think that if I had it to do over again I would have went into nursing and possibly went on to become a Nurse Practitioner. Or, I would have studied to be a Home Ec/ Agriculture teacher. I really kind of hate this desk job I have now. Other than that I love my life the way it is.

3. Tell me about your favorite outfit. Be specific!

Right now my favorite outfit is a Jean Jacket/ Blazer. I got it from JC Penny outlet for $7.00 whoo hoo.
A pair of wide leg tweed pants that I bought from Old Navy last year.
And this cute white buttoned shirt also from JC Penny.
Brown Leather Knee boots with a heel...can't remember where I got them.
I accessorize this all with an amber colored beaded necklace from Lia Sophia, Gold Earrings that my parents bought in the Cayman Islands for me and a gold tone vintage crab apple pin that was my Grandmother's.

It just makes me feel "together" with out being too formal it's my favorite thing to wear to church.

4. List five things you love about your significant other.
1. I love how he talks, laughs etc. He has a deep voice and his laugh is contagious.
2. I love the kind of friend he is...he will anything for anyone and he knows and is
friends with everyone. It makes me proud to be his wife.
3. I love that we are both independent and don't "need" each other that much...
it's nice to choose to be together and apart.
4. I love the way he is with our cats and our new puppy.
It's just so cute how he talks with them and takes care of them while still
being "in charge".
5. I love how he brags to the guys at work about my good cooking, baking, etc.

5. If the world was going to end tomorrow, what would you do today

I would want to spend the time having a BIG party with all of my friends and family. I would let them know how much they mean to me. We would also make all our favorite food and drinks. I hope that we would enjoy every moment and not be sad that it was coming to end.

Now, wasn't that fun? Do you know a little more about me? Want to be part of it?
Follow these instructions:

1. Leave me a comment saying “interview me”
2. I will respond my emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions. Make sure I have access to your e-mail, or I will just leave a comment with the questions.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to your questions.
4. You will include this explanation and offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others ask to be interviewed, you will give them 5 questions.