Christmas is almost here...

Christmas is almost here...

I have made over 200 cards...

Decorated 2 trees...

Baked 7 kinds of cookies...

Listened to holiday songs for hours...

Bought gifts...and started wrapping them...

Told the Christmas story to over 30 kids with puppets and by reading Luke 2: 1-20...

All this and I still do not feel "'in" the holiday spirit...

This spirit has been lost to me for quite some time...5 years...

5 years ago I had to work on Christmas...and spend Christmas eve alone...

I was 23 and before then I had held on to my child like feelings about Christmas...

It was magical...

After working that day..2 hours from my family...the magic of Christmas died for me...

I realized that Christmas was just another day...

I haven't had to work that day since but, I have not felt the same since...

Now, Christmas seems to be another reminder of time's passing...

A reminder of yet another year gone by and no closer to being parents...

Another year with no toys for our children under the tree...

Just practical gifts under there...

No one to read the night before Christmas to...

No one at home to read the Christmas Story from the Bible to...

Yet as I sit here...I can't help but hope that next year will be different...

Maybe next year won't wonder if we will ever have toys under the tree...

it's that time of year...

I wonder if anyone is reading this thing?

Oh well,

It that time of year...when every song you here seems to say...Merry Christmas for all...

Who have children that is...

So, many events of the season involve children and babies...why wouldn't it?

The very reason we celebrate the season is the miracle birth of our savior.

Yet, this holiday season I find my self once again praying that I may experience the miracle that is having a child of my own.

Then thoughts go to...am I being too selfish? Why can I not be fully grateful for everything that I have?

As I decorate the trees and bake the cookies I wonder if I will ever have homemade ornaments with little hand prints on them. Will I ever be able to roll out cookie dough at my kitchen counter with a little one on a stool beside me?

Now, I know that I & Me are not the reason for the season. I should expect no gifts from the Lord except the promise of eternal life. Why would I need more? Why do I want more may be the greater question. Why do I long so for something?... When at times it seems my destiny for it to never happen.

But, then I get reminded of hope. The Hope that I have that it will happen. I've seen this kind of thing go both ways...

Is it really supposed to go my way?