What IF I hadn't had fertility issues?

I would have a 3 year old.

I would possibly be pregnant with #2.

I wouldn't be in church so much.

I wouldn't have my dog Holly.

I wouldn't have experienced Stampin' Up! Convention in 2008.

I wouldn't have made such great friends.

I would be having play dates instead of nights out with the hubby.

I may not have realized how perfect that my husband is for me.

I wouldn't have been there for others with infertility.

I wouldn't have read so many blogs.

I wouldn't have so many questions for GOD.

I wouldn't spend at least a little part of every day wondering if I will ever be a mother.

I'd be eligible to have cake at the local restaurant on Mother's Day.

I may not have cried so much.

I wouldn't be who I am today.

Book Sneeze Book...

I Just received my first book from Book Sneeze... I have to say that this is so much fun...

You sign up...get a FREE book....read it... and write a review on you blog...how fun is that?

My First selection is the book "Wild at Heart"by John Elredge and is more directed to the Christian man, but I am also finding it very enlightening...

Stay tuned for my complete review later this week or so.

Happy Monday!

Do you ever wonder or wish...

Milking "Bessie", 1900
It appears that this farm wife changed
into her "Sunday Best" clothes to have
this picture take.

Sometimes I really wish I had been born in another era...

Now I know that life was harder and mortality was shorter. But, I can't help but feel sometimes that I am in the wrong time frame. I have domestic skills taught to me by my parents that would go to much better use in a time gone by.

I can imagine my days starting with farm chores and making a hearty breakfast for my husband. We would go back to chores and daily tasks of washing, ironing, cleaning and such... I would make a lunch for our family and those helping... The evenings would be spent knitting, sewing and the like.

I'm sure that our IF would be harder too... So little was known about all of that...I would just be at church each week praying to God for a child...all the while thinking that I had done something to deserve this... All the while the town's folk talking behind our backs...saying it's such a shame...and then having unfortunate orphans given to us because we have the room...

Here in the present some may say it's a shame, no orphans have made it our doorstep and here we are 4 year into our loving marriage still praying to God for a child, Hope and Answers...

Now in these 4 years I have had some answers and still have Hope, but some days I still wonder are my hope futile? Are my dreams too big? Is the answer NO and am I just not hearing it...

A big week ahead...

I have to say that I'm meeting this coming week with a bit of apprehension...but, also a lot of joy and excitement too...

This week we will go in for our IUI at this point I'm feeling good about it...either way...

This week Todd turns the big 40...

This week is our 4th anniversary...

so maybe...this week I'll get pg and next year it just won't be the 2 of us celebrating all these things...

No road is without it's bumps...

I suppose that is almost always true...

For us it seems that insurance is another bump in the road...

As it stands now...there really won't be much difference in what we have to pay for this procedure, but it will affect our deductible...since, my insurance recently changed networks...

...with a lot of luck and many prayers we may not have to have another procedure...and this will work the first time...but, odds are not on our side...and I'm all about being realistic...

If this would not work then we will need to look into changing to a Dr. that is in network and there are just not that many choices out there...

I am trying my very best to be optimistic and I hope so much that this will work the first time, but experience tells me that it won't but, there is always a chance that it will...

IUI...

So, were are to be making a big step next month...

...IUI...

This will be a natural cycle...so, I will have to use OPK's and when a get a positive reading around CD 13-14 we will go to Madison for the procedure...then we wait for another 14 or so days to see if it worked...

Honestly, the actual wait is what has me more apprehensive than the procedure. Right now I'm trying to find a place where I can balance the hope that this will work with the very real possibility that it will not work...

Eventually you'll feel lucky...

This weekend we had attended a visitation (wake) for Todd's Aunt's (by marriage) father. Todd's cousin Jeremy was very sad...and rightly so. Being there brought thoughts back to my Grandpa Meiners' funeral and passing...

The fist thing that comes to me to tell him is that "soon you'll feel lucky"...and I asked if he "knew what I ment?" He said he did... That's the thing with grandparents that pass. Yes you are sad they are gone. Yes you miss them. You think of them when you see their picture or that gift they gave you as a child. But in the end what I've been left with is a feeling that I was so lucky to have them in my life. So lucky to share 7up on a Sunday night, or conversations of days gone by...

One would suppose that this would be true of most anyone's passing once you get past all of the regrets, sadness and mourning... Some take a long time to get there where others start out here.

All this makes me think in all of this that I'm going through...will I feel lucky...maybe...but, right now not so much...