Eventually you'll feel lucky...

This weekend we had attended a visitation (wake) for Todd's Aunt's (by marriage) father. Todd's cousin Jeremy was very sad...and rightly so. Being there brought thoughts back to my Grandpa Meiners' funeral and passing...

The fist thing that comes to me to tell him is that "soon you'll feel lucky"...and I asked if he "knew what I ment?" He said he did... That's the thing with grandparents that pass. Yes you are sad they are gone. Yes you miss them. You think of them when you see their picture or that gift they gave you as a child. But in the end what I've been left with is a feeling that I was so lucky to have them in my life. So lucky to share 7up on a Sunday night, or conversations of days gone by...

One would suppose that this would be true of most anyone's passing once you get past all of the regrets, sadness and mourning... Some take a long time to get there where others start out here.

All this makes me think in all of this that I'm going through...will I feel lucky...maybe...but, right now not so much...

Insurance...

So, last night I decided to tackle my insurance...

After over an hour on the phone. Things actually look better than I thought. I'm still waiting on the drug information, but it looks hopeful that we may be covered under medical for meds.

Of course I am finding this out now as our plan year comes to a close in March; which means the deductible starts all over again.

I'm sure that if it's supposed to be then...we'll figure this out to.

The one year book of hope...

So I have been working my way though the book.

I just started week 3.

This book sure does make you think a lot about things. And the bigger picture. It's hard when this world seems to be coming down on us. It's sometimes difficult to contemplate a God who could give you a life with no suffering but, instead allows the suffering... All for the purpose of bringing you closer. That seems a bit hard to grasp for me. How close do I need to be...when will I get there...how much heartache must I endure before this phase of my life is over.

I'm sure that as I read further in the book these questions will be better answered. But, until then I don't want to make it sound like this book is not helping me, because it is...in so many ways.

Merry Christmas!

New Year...a new plan?

So I bit the bullet...January 6th Todd and I will be heading up to Madison for a consultation at the Generations Clinic...

Let's hope that the weather cooperates...

As a first impression it seems like a good choice. We'll see how I feel after the appointment.

The most Wonderful time of the year...

Here were are in the midst of another Holiday season...

There are parties for hosting, cookies to be baked, a tree to be trimmed and gifts to be wrapped...

I have mentioned before that my feel about the Holidays are let's say muted...

This week has been quite a challenge with several "announcements"...it's so difficult to hear...just when you think that you are learning to accept you path...that darn doubt creeps in... with the thoughts of...

Will it ever be us...

Why are we not worthy of such a blessing...

and if this is part of God's Plan then why must it hurt so much... honestly at times I feel a physical aching in my chest...

I have faith that God does have great plans for me and some of them may possibly be being carried out right now...but, it's so hard to believe when you are hurting so much...

Especially when you see others not have to struggle in this way...why are they chosen for what seems like an easier path?

I hate to become clinical and without hope...I would suppose that we should be grateful that we have any hope at all...but, then sometimes it seem a bit a curse too... Like if is just knew there was not any chance...then we could move on...move on to what...I'm not sure...

I found this book and I plan to read it this coming year...

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1414301332/ref=oss_T15_product

We'll see if it brings me anymore HOPE...

Time for an update...

I was told by my blog reader that it is time to update...

I suppose that I was overdue but, I really havn't had much to report.

Life seems to just be chugging along. We have had lots of day trips and fun times this Summer despite the lack of Summer weather. Our pool was very neglected for the second summer. One can only hope that next year will bring a few more hot sunny days.

As time keeps passing it seems more and more evident that we may remain childless. I guess this is all part of the moving on phase. We haven't been doing anything "extra" as far as trying. Though, some think that "we should quit trying" and it will happen. I don't know how much more not trying we could get without going on the pill or something...and what would be use of that?

Time passing is the worst reminder of it all. All too soon babies that were born since we started "trying" will be starting pre-school. It's those moments that hurt the most. But, what more can I do there's no use in being melancholy... What ever will be will be right?

Welcome back...

I suppose that it's time that I write here again...

It's funny how much time I spend looking at other blogs....and wishing they would post more when I am the worst at it...

Today I am writing about welcoming back my friends...

It seems strange to say that...it's not like they have gone...moved or anything...

Over the last 3-4 years many of my friends have been somewhat absent in my life...for many reasons...both mine and theirs...

My closest friend had a beautiful baby girl in April of '07...and during that time between then and now we had lost touch...mostly because of her demands of motherhood and my unhappiness...

Now she and other friends who have toddlers instead of babies have rekindled our friendships...I see more shopping trips, lunches and just hanging out times in our futures...which is very awesome! It sure makes the wait for our own children more pleasant... I am almost certain that we will be back at the point where friends are distant again but...I am trying to enjoy these moments that I've missed so much.

On a baking note I made these oatmeal cookies this weekend and they were AWESOME...I used butterscotch chips instead of raisins. I can't wait to tray them with raisins or craisins/ white choc. chips!

Head over to SK and mix up your self some yummy oatmeal cookies...

http://smittenkitchen.com/2009/02/thick-chewy-oatmeal-raisin-cookies/