Our life in fragments...

Well, despite our best efforts and expensive supplements...our DNA fragmentation got worse...

At this point our best chance for having a child would be IVF...

We are still going ahead with trying the IUI but with a 1.5% chance of it working I'm not too hopeful...

We are now working to re-structure our debts to see if we will be able to somehow squeeze the funds out of our already tapped out budget...I hate the stress of all of this...

"Mother's Day...continued"

For interfiles I suppose that we can take this day on several different tangents. For me I have always (even before IF) had feelings that mother's day is for my Mom and Grandma...

Last year, was a bit harder since my Mom was on vacation for Mother's Day and we went to a local restaurant and they were giving cake and a flower to all the mothers...they put me on the spot and asked if I was a mother...I had to decline...

That stung a little but, I got over it by telling my self maybe next year...

So here I am at next year...I did not go to church...I knew that the kids choir would be singing a rendition of "you are my sun shine" or some other I love you Mom song...and I just don't think that my poor little heart could take it...

Oh well this too shall pass...each year this IF stuff gets easier, but at the same time it makes me worried...worried that it doesn't hurt so much...like it means that it's not going to happen so become at peace with it...

A couple of weeks ago in Sunday School we were talk about "aha" moments when you know God is telling you you are on the right path or this is the path you should be on...I ask how do you know when you have doubts that you are on the right path weather or not it is God telling you to "do something else" or "just be patient" or if is the devil trying to sneak his way in a ruin "the plan"...

My one friend who know's my struggle said that she prays that God will not make it (what I going through) hurt so much if it not meant to be...since then I've wondered if since I'm not feeling so bad is this not meant to be?

But, then I think no...I think that I just have a "thicker skin" when it comes to this stuff...not that it doesn't hurt it just doesn't hurt as much (meanig that I'm not bawling my eyes out weekly) or when things hurt they just hurt that much more...

Mother's Day

“Happy Mother's Day”
It comes around every year;

but when you have empty arms,

it's very hard to hear.

It's a day to celebrate a mother,

for all the trials she overcame;

and a reminder to an infertile

of her loneliness and shame.

But what really makes a mother,

Is it just conception and birth?

Or is there something more,

that shows a mother's worth?

It's putting your child first,

in everything you do;

it's sacrifice and determination,

and love and patience too.

An infertile woman makes all her plans,

around a child not yet conceived;

she loves them even though they aren't here,

more than she ever could have believed.

She appreciates and understands,

what a blessing that children are;

she works hard for just a chance,

that motherhood is not that far.

All odds are stacked against her,and yet she still has hope;

everyday is another struggle,

finding ways to help her cope.

So even though her arms are empty,

she can still be a mother too;

So say a special “Happy Mother's Day”

for those waiting for their dreams to come true!

I found this on Tiffany's blog...

She is truly an inspiration.

Thanks