The most Wonderful time of the year...

Here were are in the midst of another Holiday season...

There are parties for hosting, cookies to be baked, a tree to be trimmed and gifts to be wrapped...

I have mentioned before that my feel about the Holidays are let's say muted...

This week has been quite a challenge with several "announcements"...it's so difficult to hear...just when you think that you are learning to accept you path...that darn doubt creeps in... with the thoughts of...

Will it ever be us...

Why are we not worthy of such a blessing...

and if this is part of God's Plan then why must it hurt so much... honestly at times I feel a physical aching in my chest...

I have faith that God does have great plans for me and some of them may possibly be being carried out right now...but, it's so hard to believe when you are hurting so much...

Especially when you see others not have to struggle in this way...why are they chosen for what seems like an easier path?

I hate to become clinical and without hope...I would suppose that we should be grateful that we have any hope at all...but, then sometimes it seem a bit a curse too... Like if is just knew there was not any chance...then we could move on...move on to what...I'm not sure...

I found this book and I plan to read it this coming year...

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1414301332/ref=oss_T15_product

We'll see if it brings me anymore HOPE...

Time for an update...

I was told by my blog reader that it is time to update...

I suppose that I was overdue but, I really havn't had much to report.

Life seems to just be chugging along. We have had lots of day trips and fun times this Summer despite the lack of Summer weather. Our pool was very neglected for the second summer. One can only hope that next year will bring a few more hot sunny days.

As time keeps passing it seems more and more evident that we may remain childless. I guess this is all part of the moving on phase. We haven't been doing anything "extra" as far as trying. Though, some think that "we should quit trying" and it will happen. I don't know how much more not trying we could get without going on the pill or something...and what would be use of that?

Time passing is the worst reminder of it all. All too soon babies that were born since we started "trying" will be starting pre-school. It's those moments that hurt the most. But, what more can I do there's no use in being melancholy... What ever will be will be right?

Welcome back...

I suppose that it's time that I write here again...

It's funny how much time I spend looking at other blogs....and wishing they would post more when I am the worst at it...

Today I am writing about welcoming back my friends...

It seems strange to say that...it's not like they have gone...moved or anything...

Over the last 3-4 years many of my friends have been somewhat absent in my life...for many reasons...both mine and theirs...

My closest friend had a beautiful baby girl in April of '07...and during that time between then and now we had lost touch...mostly because of her demands of motherhood and my unhappiness...

Now she and other friends who have toddlers instead of babies have rekindled our friendships...I see more shopping trips, lunches and just hanging out times in our futures...which is very awesome! It sure makes the wait for our own children more pleasant... I am almost certain that we will be back at the point where friends are distant again but...I am trying to enjoy these moments that I've missed so much.

On a baking note I made these oatmeal cookies this weekend and they were AWESOME...I used butterscotch chips instead of raisins. I can't wait to tray them with raisins or craisins/ white choc. chips!

Head over to SK and mix up your self some yummy oatmeal cookies...

http://smittenkitchen.com/2009/02/thick-chewy-oatmeal-raisin-cookies/

Getting to know all about me...and you...

Jamie @ http://www.stickyfeet2.com/ (one of my favorite blogs) is participating in this interview game so, I tough it would be fun!

1. If you could be any dessert, what would you choose to be and why?

That is kind of tough...should I be something good...that everyone loves or something icky...so I won't get eaten?

I'll go with something good:

I would have to say Chocolate Chip Cheese cake. I absolutely LOVE cheese cakes (except pumpkin) and I also adore chocolate. I would also like to be "rich"...so, there you have it...

2. How is your life different than you thought it would be 10 years ago? Would you change anything?

Ten years ago I started my first year of college...I was planning on becoming a vet at that time. I ended up not going to vet school. I was dating a HS boyfriend and was thinking about maybe getting engaged to him (glad that didn't happen). I did figure that I would be married by now though. But, I did figure that I would be married to a Man 10 years older than me. I also was not panning on living in the town where I grew up. I figured that I would be more adventurous than that and maybe live in Colorado or something.

I guess what I would change today would be my schooling. I think that if I had it to do over again I would have went into nursing and possibly went on to become a Nurse Practitioner. Or, I would have studied to be a Home Ec/ Agriculture teacher. I really kind of hate this desk job I have now. Other than that I love my life the way it is.

3. Tell me about your favorite outfit. Be specific!

Right now my favorite outfit is a Jean Jacket/ Blazer. I got it from JC Penny outlet for $7.00 whoo hoo.
A pair of wide leg tweed pants that I bought from Old Navy last year.
And this cute white buttoned shirt also from JC Penny.
Brown Leather Knee boots with a heel...can't remember where I got them.
I accessorize this all with an amber colored beaded necklace from Lia Sophia, Gold Earrings that my parents bought in the Cayman Islands for me and a gold tone vintage crab apple pin that was my Grandmother's.

It just makes me feel "together" with out being too formal it's my favorite thing to wear to church.

4. List five things you love about your significant other.
1. I love how he talks, laughs etc. He has a deep voice and his laugh is contagious.
2. I love the kind of friend he is...he will anything for anyone and he knows and is
friends with everyone. It makes me proud to be his wife.
3. I love that we are both independent and don't "need" each other that much...
it's nice to choose to be together and apart.
4. I love the way he is with our cats and our new puppy.
It's just so cute how he talks with them and takes care of them while still
being "in charge".
5. I love how he brags to the guys at work about my good cooking, baking, etc.

5. If the world was going to end tomorrow, what would you do today

I would want to spend the time having a BIG party with all of my friends and family. I would let them know how much they mean to me. We would also make all our favorite food and drinks. I hope that we would enjoy every moment and not be sad that it was coming to end.

Now, wasn't that fun? Do you know a little more about me? Want to be part of it?
Follow these instructions:

1. Leave me a comment saying “interview me”
2. I will respond my emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions. Make sure I have access to your e-mail, or I will just leave a comment with the questions.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to your questions.
4. You will include this explanation and offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others ask to be interviewed, you will give them 5 questions.

Christmas is almost here...

Christmas is almost here...

I have made over 200 cards...

Decorated 2 trees...

Baked 7 kinds of cookies...

Listened to holiday songs for hours...

Bought gifts...and started wrapping them...

Told the Christmas story to over 30 kids with puppets and by reading Luke 2: 1-20...

All this and I still do not feel "'in" the holiday spirit...

This spirit has been lost to me for quite some time...5 years...

5 years ago I had to work on Christmas...and spend Christmas eve alone...

I was 23 and before then I had held on to my child like feelings about Christmas...

It was magical...

After working that day..2 hours from my family...the magic of Christmas died for me...

I realized that Christmas was just another day...

I haven't had to work that day since but, I have not felt the same since...

Now, Christmas seems to be another reminder of time's passing...

A reminder of yet another year gone by and no closer to being parents...

Another year with no toys for our children under the tree...

Just practical gifts under there...

No one to read the night before Christmas to...

No one at home to read the Christmas Story from the Bible to...

Yet as I sit here...I can't help but hope that next year will be different...

Maybe next year won't wonder if we will ever have toys under the tree...

it's that time of year...

I wonder if anyone is reading this thing?

Oh well,

It that time of year...when every song you here seems to say...Merry Christmas for all...

Who have children that is...

So, many events of the season involve children and babies...why wouldn't it?

The very reason we celebrate the season is the miracle birth of our savior.

Yet, this holiday season I find my self once again praying that I may experience the miracle that is having a child of my own.

Then thoughts go to...am I being too selfish? Why can I not be fully grateful for everything that I have?

As I decorate the trees and bake the cookies I wonder if I will ever have homemade ornaments with little hand prints on them. Will I ever be able to roll out cookie dough at my kitchen counter with a little one on a stool beside me?

Now, I know that I & Me are not the reason for the season. I should expect no gifts from the Lord except the promise of eternal life. Why would I need more? Why do I want more may be the greater question. Why do I long so for something?... When at times it seems my destiny for it to never happen.

But, then I get reminded of hope. The Hope that I have that it will happen. I've seen this kind of thing go both ways...

Is it really supposed to go my way?

My So Called Life...

The Husband Story...

I had to kiss a few frogs before I found Todd.

It was a little over 5 years ago that we met at a party.

On April 8, 2006 we were married in Mexico. It was a really great trip. I can't wait to go back. It was at that time that we started TTC. About a year and a half later we found out we may have some issues in that department. Since then I have sought out others who have struggled in the same way.

In October of 2006 I became an SU! demonstrator. Because it was such an awesome deal. I love it and I hope to share my creativity here.

As for the cooking and baking... I have always enjoyed being in the kitchen or at the grill. I love trying new foods and making them myself.